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Hello, and welcome to The Storied Human. I'm Lynne Thompson and I have Kathleen McDermott with me today. I met her in a podcast class. And she and I just have a lot in common and we started chatting and I've listened to her podcast. It's wonderful. Her podcast is called your life your way. I love her story. She's come through a lot.
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And she teaches other women now how they can work through their issues. Using techniques she learned as a stress relief coach helping women reduce stress and break cycles. She has it includes signature program, yoga, lot yoga, philosophy, life on and off the mat. With restorative yoga. She was certified in stress management in 2012, and has yoga training in 2006, and 2011. She is a professional stress and lifestyle management coach and restorative yoga guide. It's such a cool combination, the things that I've seen from you on social media, especially a recent post with all the different sized women and different abled people, and recognizing that weren't, you know, we can all benefit from yoga, it's not for any specific shape. So I just really love your approach. And I'd love to hear more about your story. So welcome.
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Thank you. Thank you for having me. We've already been having this great conversation, and we said, oh, my god, we're gonna hit record. We're having so much fun.
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I do that every time.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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I'm grateful and honored. But the post Yes, the images that you were talking about. That's life. The each person in there is uniquely who they are. And that's just life. We are all very unique. It's you ask, you know, for history, and how I got to where I am. And as you've mentioned, I did my certifications. But we all know that life experience is really where it all comes from. Oh, yeah. But I did start teaching and I wanted to teach differently. I wanted to teach so that everyone felt they could be included. And you know, you hear so many people say I can't do yoga? Well, yes, you can.
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Everyone can Oh, I love just about doing your yoga. And you know, Lin, when we hear the word yoga, we think of the pose, we automatically picture the poses in yoga is life Yoga is the journey. So in going through and doing my training and beginning to teach, although I had men in my classes, I began to really be able to see that something was occurring with the women on the mat. That live off the mat was coming out on the mat. Wow. And the reason they felt safe in facing those is because we were creating their posts. So you might have, for example, downward, downward facing dog, you might see four different styles because they're all figuring out their own. With my help, of course, because we use all kinds of props, everything from a wall to a cushion to a bolster to a chair, to a strap, whatever the individual may need to come into their pose, so that they can find their way. That's what yoga is really about. It's about finding your way in life and allowing it to come up. So it was really about holding a safe space, and helping them create their own practice, so that they could face comfortably, whatever was coming up. And it just began to be so cool to watch them find, to expand to find a place where they thought they couldn't be.
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And then to finally be there and just have them be so excited or in tears or just so calm, and so hot. So happy. And of course the next question is what's next?
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And it just blossomed, it blossomed into because I knew it was more than the teaching a class they were actually teaching me we all know, you know, we're all we're all students. But I did decide to because I could never teach an actual yoga class without the guidance. So I did the certifications, did all that and learned and we know the stress is the foundation of our struggles. I mean, it's just the foundation and it's the result.
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Excuse me. So I just blossomed into coaching. So I was teaching classes and coaching clients.
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But you know, life has a way whether it's God or source or Our universe, whichever in the universe decided, well, if this is your calling, which it is, we're going to give you a few more lessons of your own lips.
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Yes. And of course, I tend to be just a little stubborn and didn't always want to listen to the signs or pay attention to the signs. So I would have to say the very first experience.
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You'll you'll hit right onto this perimenopause.
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Oh, no. What?
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What kind of joy in life is?
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Everyone talks about menopause.
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Let's really talk about perimenopause.
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Oh, it's even worse at times.
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Yeah. And it doesn't you don't know you're in it. You don't know you're in it. Because everybody's everybody's timing is so different.
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I was told by a female doctor and Alas, which was even more frustrating. You're too young.
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There's no way you're in perimenopause. So we've been getting a lot these invasive tests. While I knew I was based on my own studies, and it was It wasn't you know, this is going to be a podcast for another day.
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Because it's a huge conversation that we all need to start having. Yeah, is about perimenopause. And that people are not listening. It's better today, because we have functional medicine folks today.
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But back then, you know, they just didn't listen. So ultimately, all they want to do is hand you an antidepressant and say good luck.
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You know, that's a good point, Kathleen, anything with hormones? I don't think doctors are like, up to speed. And it's not cool. Like, they just don't know what to do with you. Yeah, so I had I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. And they basically had no clue. Back then, you know, it was I was undiagnosed for years and years now, they have a little bit more knowledge. But I was in my 30s, my early 30s. And unless you're trying to have a baby, they don't even know about it.
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So that's how it started coming up. Because we had decided it was time to start a family. And I wasn't getting pregnant. And my mother had very similar issues. She was not able to get pregnant after a certain young age. So that's why I really started to think Oh, so you have a feel for it. Yeah. So But ultimately, we ended up having to invoice. That's so great.
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Yeah, we went through fertility so that they're my greatest joys. But that's again, that's another I'll get off on that tangent because they're just my greatest gifts. perimenopause was a huge, huge disruption in my life. Huge.
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Like I said, we're never you're not expecting it right now.
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Especially if it happens early.
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And yeah, it can really mess you up. Like you just don't you're like, What the heck's going on?
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Totally. Yeah. It's it's something that I really feel strongly about opening up that conversation more because women are suffering without understanding about where to go.
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They're not being heard and seen and listened to know. So it's really a broad topic that we need to jump in. I think that's a podcast. Yeah. Maybe with you and me, because I was thinking that before we talked about how that's if I was going to focus on something that I don't think is covered well enough. That's what I would focus. It's a doozy is the menopause thing. And we don't have enough information about leading up to it.
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That's right. Yeah, that's right. So that was my first introduction to chaos in life.
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Well, I mean, you give it that gentle word.
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But I mean, you have your things to life, but I ultimately things that really started waking me up. Yeah. So that was really the beginning. And then going into the boys, both leaving home at the same time for college was another huge. No, that would be on my now. What is my part? Who am I now?
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And you got that double thing?
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Like what I know it sounds crazy. But when my oldest went, I still had another one in high school. And I was like, Oh, well, I still have this one too. Baby and over. Focus on right. You came into it.
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You have to at once that would be really hard.
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Yeah, it was it was it was a change, a definite change. Yeah.
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And that question of okay, now what? And it just compounded everything that I was feeling and going through emotionally and mentally and physically. And then ultimately, what really knocked me to my knees was the divorce. That was the most traumatic experience of my life.
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Oh, my God, that's so hard. And you and I've talked about grief, and I don't care what side of the table you're on. It's hard.
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You know, divorce is hard. And I and I respect anyone going through it, no matter what side of the table you're on. It's just, I mean, there are unique circumstances Yes, but the average couple who's come for that part of no longer being together. It's hard. It is, you know, that vision that we had and it's hard to say you go with well, why me why me Why me, right. So ultimately, you combine all of these things together and these were my wake up calls. Yeah, I said if you could, I could assist you Just give me five minutes of leaving me alone. No more or less than half. I don't want to grow this much. Leave me alone.
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Give me five minutes. I know it sounds really hard. It sounds like a cross section of just everything. And how did you get through it?
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Well, the first was all the pity party and all the sadness and all the heavy, heavy, heavy duty, grief, darkness suffering.
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And at some point, I had to ask myself, okay. Do you want to stay here? Or do you want to get out? You know, your boys are seeing everything. They've always seen you everything through to this day? What do you want them to continue to see?
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And be a part of I love that, that perspective, like, what do you what do I want them to see?
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That's really cool.
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You know? And the honest question was after that honest question, if it's working for my students, my clients, why wouldn't it work for me? Oh, yeah. Right. So I began to practice what I was preaching.
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Oh, my love this. Yeah. And it just began to bring me to more and more questions about myself.
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And this was the toughest one.
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And you see, I'm sure you can relate to this. The toughest question I had to ask was, what was my role in it all?
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Oh, that's heavy.
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Yeah. Because we are such a we are so conditioned to find fault in blame out there. It's very hard as humans to take responsibility for our own suffering. Gotta be somebody else's fault.
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That's so true. We're taught that Yeah, yeah. And that was a huge, that was the hardest thing I had to face. And once I did, and really started examining, then I started really seeing the conditioning, which is what I just desperately, my purpose is to help women face that conditioning, because that is ultimately where our stress is why we're so stressed. It's the conditioning from birth, which, you know, bless our parents, they do the best they can with what they were when their conditioning. And the generational stuff just continues until we cycles in the bud. And society, the conditioning that we get from society is overwhelming. And it is it's hard to be a girl it is it's hard to be a boy too.
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There's just because they have their own conditioning. They do they have their own. And but it's different, right? Because I say, Well, do you work with men?
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Only my sons? Yeah, my sons.
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Yeah, I'm not women are my goal.
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Because I know if I went through the hell that I went through, and opened my eyes to things, and did, and it's not easy to do the work. But if I can do it, so can everyone else.
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What I'm struck with about you is that you create this nurturing and safe space for others, you're very supportive of others, and you want to use what happened to you. Like, I just love when someone does that. It's like, I want to do something with what I went through. And I want to help. I just love that impulse. So I'm curious about what you did before this.
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What I did before, in what way you can you elaborate or the yoga or before the stress management? Like did you have another career work experiences, primarily, most of my work experience has been in some form of sales, whether it's okay, it's paper sales or TV sales. So I've tinkered in a variety of things that are multi passionate person, and found that after experiencing those, though, you know, the the work that brought me the most I was home with the boys for quite some time when they were growing up. And then it was okay, you need to go back to work. What do you want to do that fits, and I actually started driving a school bus for the boys district, was that same schedule with them. And you know, everything that I'd done prior to I understand was an experience that helped me grow and learn and be, but that was really where I got to appreciate the students and build relationships. I treated them with respect, and they treated me with respect. Most of them had a couple of little ones that are just another.
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No, I am so glad you brought that up. But yeah, it was just because somebody just commented on that how much they love their bus driver. It was on one of those Facebook groups that I'm on. So it's like a million years ago, and they said, Oh, she had just passed away. And it was like 40 years ago, right that we had her as a bus driver. And people were like, she was always so respectful. She was always so great. I look forward to seeing her every day. It's one of those jobs that maybe is underappreciated by status seekers, but the reality of what you're doing every day for those women. I totally get that because when I was in between gigs, I became a substitute teacher. And I worked at my kids school. I worked at the island entry and then middle school, and I fell in love with those children just fell in love with them and, and was able to be supportive and nurturing and really enjoyed them. And what a what a beautiful thing to be able to do. And you did that every day.
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It was so much fun. And my middle high kids were fabulous.
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People say, you know, they're the toughest, but they were wonderful.
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And because you were wonderful.
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Well, back what we, you know, like if you respect them, exactly. And everyone wants to be seen and heard, and they're no different. Just because it's doesn't mean they need to be and I. And again, this is another whole conversation we're not going to get into because I really get up on my high horse.
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But kids deserve respect. They do. They deserve respect. It's not a case of being seen and not heard. They really want to be heard and seen. And they have a lot to offer as well. That's learning and they're growing.
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And they have a lot to teach us.
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My kids are my greatest teachers.
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Yeah, well, they're very lucky to have you. Because that's such a great way to look at children to respect them. Because then you're teaching them to respect others like they, what children do, this cracks me up my friend, I have a friend whose parents were kind of strict with her and a little bit, you know, didn't let her do a lot or didn't give her much they were kind of they would meet out things, right.
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And she's she struggles with being a little, you know, selfish with stuff. Like because she was raised that way. Now she's older, and she's generous.
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But it just struck me like my parents were always super generous. And with us, and people, but they were they were firm. They were very much like, you know, here are the rules.
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But as far as like food and money and clothes, they were generous. They were like, well, if you need that, you know, so we became generous, like you become the way you're taught the way you're treated. So to be stingy with someone, you're gonna make somebody, you're gonna make a stingy person conditioning. And it's so like, kind of blew my mind. I was like, wow, my parents really because they were told they were spoiling us. Because that's that old fashion, you know, you're spoiling them.
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Don't get up when they're crying.
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I was told I was spoiling my children. I was told I hold them too much.
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Not possible.
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And I looked at the woman and I said, Look, some babies like to be held. I'm lucky because I got two babies that like to be held all the time. But I have seen babies that wriggle and wriggle to get out of your arms. And if mine did that, I would put them down. But mine don't do that.
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Mine just didn't either. Mine didn't seem to be able to get enough of me. You know, even when they turned 14, they still hugged me and said I love you even front of their friends.
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I love that. I have a nephew.
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And he was you know, he had gotten big and tall and giant.
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And at 16 years old, he would sit on his mom's lap and she's tiny. And it just made me want to cry was so sweet and dear, that he loved his mom. And it doesn't change.
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No, it doesn't mine are going to be 29 this year. And I love how they look out for their mom and how they're just so unique. And so I'm just blessed. I'm just extremely blessed. Yeah. And as I always tell them, thank you for choosing me, it's an honor to be your mom.
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No. But I feel like I have a tissue here. So I wasn't gonna cry today.
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But that's such it is such a gift. Yeah, I feel it's funny, because I was thinking about, you know, I also stayed home a little bit with them. And I had, you know, I had contract jobs all over the place, I didn't really have a career that I'm going to retire from neatly, you know, that kind of thing. And I thought, yeah, I had some good jobs and whatever, I didn't have anything where I really progressed or, you know, in that traditional way. And then I thought, yeah, but I put two nice humans on the planet. You know, for real, I really love how kind they are. You know, and I hear that when you talk about your boys like they're just they're kind human beings. They are, you know, you had something to do with that.
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We may not be married anymore.
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But to tell you, we did a great job raising your boys, your husband really did. We weren't you know, we made mistakes, as every parent does. But ultimately, when your kids come back and say thank you, and they come back, and you can hear the lessons that Utah you can see the lessons come through, and you can hear how their responses are. And they come back and say thank you. It's a beautiful thing.
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That is so cool. I noticed too, like I had kids later. So I was a little more ready for them.
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And I think that I showed them more of my best self, my husband too. But it also became better for them. I found that unless you're in crisis, you know, you, you, you, you rise to meet them you become better.
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You know, and going through everything that I did, and making the choice to to do better and to do the work which and and I'm sure I said it too.
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And I'll say no, it's not easy.
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People say well, it's easier said than done. You're right.
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But it's it's worth you know, choose your heart. It was hard to stay where I was, and it was hard going to be hard. To do the work, so I chose my heart. And going through all of that, and it took years and it's still it's a practice, it's going to take the rest of my life because I want to continue to grow and expand and to just be better than I was yesterday. But the day that Connor got married, and take a breath. They both came to me that day separately, and told me how proud they were of me. So that no wonder was worth all the hard work.
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And it just is. It's what I use to keep doing better.
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What I also love is that they don't have to worry about you.
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You took care of yourself, and you did the work, and they saw it. And they don't have to worry about you. They're proud of you.
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Yeah. And think about how many children are worried about their parents, you know, their parents aren't It was a time they were, yeah, the parents aren't taking care of themselves, or they're not doing well, or they can't get out of a financial thing. Or they can't, you know, that's the last thing we want to do to our kids, you know, is have them worry about us.
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So and that's why I'm so passionate about the Knuth the legacy. Yeah, how often do we ask ourselves, you know, we were 20 years old, we're meeting people, we're having fun, we're going to bars we're doing whatever it is we want to do, we're having fun, we meet the person, you know, 30s, you usually you're married and you're settling in, and life starts rolling, you know, the career the fan, by your 40s, we're going so fast. We don't, you know, you're lucky you're not wearing two different shoes.
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That's how fast I'm going. And it can be so hard to come out of that pace. And we don't have we don't have the time or we think we don't have the time. We don't take the time to ask ourselves important questions. Legacy number one isn't how much money we're going to leave. We need to get out of that, that tangible, this thing, we're leaving the house of the whatever. So it really was a question that I finally asked myself, What legacy do I want to leave for my kids? And then I had now I have a grandson. So now it's even wider as far as okay now. So I do talk to my boys. And I do talk to I call them my girls.
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You know, my daughter in law and Catherine? Catherine? Because I want them to grasp sooner? Yes, then I did. A legacy is so much more than stuff. Yes, how we live our life. And it's about breaking the cycles. You know, I saw my mom break a very important cycle with my boys.
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And it was a beautiful thing.
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And I it was wonderful to watch.
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But at the time, I didn't grasp it for what it was, it took me in the process of doing my own work to recognize that. And I had broken a cycle of my own from my parents with my own boys. And I kind of recognized it, but didn't grasp the the depth of it. You and I you mentioned the word depth earlier, before we get sporting, and that's get into as well. But I didn't once I finally grasped that then it became holy, excuse me crap. What do I want them to take forward, I can see a little bit of what we passed on. That might not be in their best interest to keep for them to grow and expand. So we talk about those things. And now that Connor has a son, okay, we're Where do you want his How do you want your legacy to be with him?
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So really taking that time to, to examine why we are the way we are. And I don't mean this in judgment or criticism and people, you see those memes that say, Don't look back, you're not going there. You have to look back. Yeah. Because that you said that you have to look back, I'm not saying go back to that trauma and stay in that trauma and experience. But it's about looking at it for what it for all the experiences and what they were. And it's all it comes out to be forgiveness. Because once you take that look and you understand that, oh my gosh, look, they were all going through their own generational societal conditioning. So it creates forgiveness. It creates understanding and acceptance and empathy, compassion and empathy for yourself and for others. So now when someone is I see someone reacting, my first thought is I'm gonna what baggage they're carrying. I wonder what experiences are weighing on them? And when something happens with me when I react, I think okay, what do I still need to work on, which I still want to work on? And you and I were talking about that?
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Yeah, cuz you've done the work. Some of the work.
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It's always it's like it's but you record Nice at faster.
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There's less harsh judgment of self. I don't go into that criticize, I might say, Oh, you Well, I won't use the word. But I don't. It's in a loving way. I don't you know, and I think, Okay, where do I want to look?
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How do I want to look? Why is this coming forth now, which I tell you, this is a trigger for people. People say, Oh, your words hurt, don't offend people.
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Well, let me tell you something.
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If I say something to you, Lynne. And I'm, it sounds like I'm trying to hurt your feelings, or it's offensive in some way that has nothing to do with you. That's because there's something in me, right? That is something that I still need to go within and look at, you know, if you say something to me, and I start to react to what you're saying. Then I also want to ask, Why am I reacting to what you're saying? There's something within me picking something up, right?
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Yes, there's so much that comes up. When you talk about this, the first thing I thought of is, going back to a memory, I think looking at your past can be really helpful. And going back to a memory that you that was encoded in your brain as a little child, and you go back as an adult, and you look at things that you just took for granted about that memory. And you re examine was that really true? As an adult? You see, like you said, you see, well, my parents were struggling too. And, you know, they had their own things.
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We both my parents lost both their parents in their 20s. Wow.
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And when I think of them now, I think of them as brave souls soldiering on and raising us, they were good at it. And I think of them in a different way. And when I think of the memories from that time, I think that people struggling and it's just good to do that. It's healing. Yes. And then the other wonderful thing is that you do start treating yourself better to that forgiveness is so powerful. And I love that idea that we take the love that we have to give others, right. I mean, I do this so often. Now, we give it to ourselves. Like I say, I'll screw up and I'll say, Well, I literally say to myself, Well, how would you talk to someone you love who did this?
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And I would always say to them, Well, you didn't mean it, or you'll do better next time I'm, I have oodles of generous praise and love for them. Right. So now I'm trying to do that for myself each time back to myself.
00:27:25.380 --> 00:27:50.160
Because the more you love yourself, the more you radiate love to others. So that that came out of the podcast class and the mindfulness that we talked about, where I became more conscious of doing that of treating myself the way I would treat a friend, because I would like to think that I'm a good friend to people. And so why am I not a good friend to myself?
00:27:45.750 --> 00:27:52.500
So yeah, very powerful. There, you really got me going on that one.
00:27:53.308 --> 00:28:22.528
I have a coach I'm working with because even coaches need coaches. And she said to me, practice treating yourself, like a guest in your home. Every day do something is if you were a guest in your home. I'd love that. Because you know, if you have a guest, someone in your home, you're gonna go out of your way to make them be comfortable. You're going to be wonderful to them. You're going to show hospitality, you're going to serve them something wonderful. You're gonna make sure there's fresh towels. Oh, wow. I love that.
00:28:22.739 --> 00:29:05.038
Yeah. You know, when I lived alone, I did do that. I lived alone for quite a while. And I did do that I was I don't know, I got that from somebody, my mother or somebody. Because she my parents went through a divorce and I saw her taking good care of herself. That's very always how we ever which is another whole conversation is to where it all well it begins at a very young age, but we develop that it's loving ourselves and caring for ourselves. And God forbid you put yourself first year especially when right so wrong. No it's not. No, it's not. No, stop that stop being and doing how the rest of the world thinks you should.
00:29:06.150 --> 00:29:08.700
Yeah, that's hard to break out.
00:29:06.150 --> 00:29:18.720
You make a really good point with the conditioning stuff that is hard to break out of. And I'm a people pleaser. So you know, I think I spent the first like 40 years of my life just making sure everyone was okay.
00:29:20.400 --> 00:29:53.430
You asked you this this out recently too, if we are people pleasing. What are we enabling them? Are we enabling them from finding their own way and living their life? How they really, I don't like the word should but it's their life, their gift. So if we're enabling them, if they are trying to put our half their happiness is our responsibility and vice versa. Whose life are we living?
00:29:54.328 --> 00:30:27.598
Yeah, that's a really good point. Oh my god. And also, I'm not being my authentic self. If I'm doing and when I hit that, when I finally realized that, I don't even know how old I was when that you, everyone deserves your authentic self. You know, they do sometimes whether they like it or not, whether they like it or not. And I am I'm a little bit. It's funny, I'm just sharper. Like, I ran into a situation with this job that I have. And they're onboarding me.
00:30:23.969 --> 00:30:34.709
And it's like a disaster. And I've been on a lot of jobs. And I have a lot of knowledge about how you should probably do that.
00:30:30.449 --> 00:30:47.338
And I'm not mean, but I'm very curt. And I'm very definite in a way that I never would have been. And I just say, because it's, it's funny how clear it looks now. But it's about money.
00:30:44.729 --> 00:31:16.529
Like they said, Oh, no, you started on this day. And I'm like, No, I started two days before. So how are you going to pay me for those two days? And they're like, no, no, you started on this day? And I was like, No, I, I have proof from my client that I started two days before. And I ended the email with your company has to fix this. Thanks. I would have never talked like that in the past. I would have been like all afraid and I wouldn't, you know, it's ridiculous. Fear of causing conflict.
00:31:16.619 --> 00:31:33.329
Oh, my God, conflict. I still work on that one. I bet you help a lot of women with that. Well, we doesn't know that. I'm what first of all, I sometimes I just said to you, when we first started talking today, I think we were separated at birth.
00:31:27.779 --> 00:31:46.619
Because I am so not a cuddler. I don't want to be coddled, and I don't coddle I will hold as much safe support for you as you need. But I'm also going to say so how's that working for you?
00:31:41.009 --> 00:31:57.660
And it's not meant to be in a conflicting way. It's not meant to be, it's just that we have become so conditioned to be defensive. Oh, my God, I spent so many years being defensive.
00:31:55.200 --> 00:32:19.170
So much of my life being defensive. Yeah. And again, it comes back to that realizing what is your role? Why am I being defensive? Examining the conditioning? It all comes back to that. Right. So, but yeah, it doesn't have to be about conflict. It's, I think, more of a maybe a protection mechanism to not avoidance maybe an avoidance mechanism, right.
00:32:20.519 --> 00:32:35.609
Yeah, I think I was trained to like, never, ever, but you don't want to make a fuss. As a as a little girl, when when we were raised, right, it was just, you know, put your legs together, you know, your mouth shut. Keep your mouth shut, be a nice little girl, good little girl.
00:32:33.150 --> 00:32:39.930
And you know, you get so much a good girl in, in school, right?
00:32:35.609 --> 00:33:08.549
It's the little girls that behave like that, that get great grades, and the teacher loves them. And so you get that, you get strokes for that. And so you keep going that way. But that doesn't. You know, it's like I always talk about stories, like, whatever story you're telling yourself, right? It might not fit anymore. And so that story of always being a good girl. You know, how's that working for you? It doesn't, it doesn't always fit, right? It doesn't fit anymore. And so what are bad that good or bad is just not that Yeah.
00:33:10.318 --> 00:33:15.148
And so I just find, I find it.
00:33:10.318 --> 00:33:15.148
So cool that you do what you do.
00:33:15.179 --> 00:33:44.578
And I, I have found in my little way that I am more nurturing, I always was nurturing, I always was supportive. I'm just that kind of person. I love to love people and support them. But I'm able to be more so in a more authentic way. Because I love myself more, which sounds so corny, but it's true, right? I find I'm able to be much more open and more loving, like, I just don't waste time. I just go right there with my friends.
00:33:44.669 --> 00:33:53.219
very direct, very loving and supportive. And I say also the intuition thing kicks in.
00:33:49.048 --> 00:33:59.219
Because yes, I wasn't super aware of it. But I always did it, I would say with someone needed brought up, I would say it. And they didn't know why.
00:33:59.669 --> 00:34:10.349
And they'd be like, Whoa, you know, I wouldn't know that it needed to be brought up and I didn't even know. So now I'm getting a little more aware of that. And I think that also helps.
00:34:11.159 --> 00:34:24.719
See, and it's a beautiful thing because when you start shedding it's like an onion, you know, the layers of an onion. And all the conditioning begins to cover us and all these layers and at the very center, hidden buried underneath suffocating is us.
00:34:25.079 --> 00:34:36.780
But once you start shedding all of those, so much of you is able to come out. And yes, the compassion, the empathy, forget all of that. But also that intuition does become stronger.
00:34:36.900 --> 00:34:52.079
Yeah. And it's it's safer because then you get hit with less two by fours, because listening. So I can tell some people don't like I'll just jump right into it. And I'll say, Well, I don't think so and so really wants to do that. She didn't seem like she really wanted to do that.
00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:59.039
And I think she's she's got some something going on and I'm worried about her and they'll be like what? You know what I mean?
00:34:59.039 --> 00:36:03.210
Like, I'll just jump right into it like, No, I feel like she's really afraid of something or I'll just, and you know, some people are not seeing that. So I have to be careful that I explain that I feel it, you know that I, that I'm feeling it about the person. But yeah, there's the conflict thing that never gets easier for me, I'm just still working on that there are things and it's so it has to laugh, there are so many things that will happen to the day of the week, the month of the year. And I was on the having a conversation with lovely woman. We were having a challenge trying to get my account online to work and had to go through all that verification stuff, you know, hate that. But you know, I understand I'd rather be safe, have my account safe, I thought we resolved it, called back within five minutes still wasn't resolved, called back at the same woman. And she says to me, Well, we have to go through the verification, I said, you and I were just talking. She says yes.
00:36:00.360 --> 00:36:21.539
But now you're talking about getting it online. And we have to go through a complete different verification. So I was I was losing my patience. Let's just say at that point, I'd about had enough. And finally, I stopped myself. And I said, first of all, I apologize, this has nothing to do with you.
00:36:19.860 --> 00:36:22.800
Apparently, there's something that I still need to work on.
00:36:24.210 --> 00:36:28.650
Lovely, that's lovely. And we both had a good laugh, and we ended up resolving the issue.
00:36:28.860 --> 00:36:53.639
But my point is, it's funny with the different things that will come up. And it's just an opportunity to say, Okay, it's still some of it is still there, you recognize it? Yeah. And, as in I just stress this so much, because it allows me to see that in others and to be more accepting, that's so powerful.
00:36:53.849 --> 00:37:06.150
Yeah, doesn't mean I still don't get a New York rial, every, you know, on occasion, because you can take the girl out of New York, which can't take New York and the girl looks very tricky trying girls out there, and you know, this sweet southern gal, but I don't know if that's ever gonna happen.
00:37:06.989 --> 00:38:24.420
I love that. I know, we're a little tough up here, New Jersey. Something that you said ticked off. I don't remember where I read this. But it said, if you find yourself offended all the time, that's a sign that you've got stuff to work on. And you think of people you know, and yourself like, what offends you, you know, and, and now I try to catch that. But it's so funny, I've seen things on, you know, working with, I've had to call the help desk about a billion times. And I won't go into the details. But I spent Friday like yesterday, basically, on the phone trying to make things work. And they weren't working. And it kept saying we'll send you an email, and they never was like, I'm going a little crazy. But at 1.0 The funniest story is when my Apple ID I, you know, we, we have our podcasts on Apple, right? And people leave reviews there. And sometimes I can log in. And sometimes I can't know, I don't know why. I can log in through iTunes, but I can't when I go right to my Apple ID. So when they have a new way, I have a very old account, apparently, and they have a new way of verifying that you are who you are, they go right to your security questions. So they'll let you reset your password. And your you know, you're fooled into thinking that you're all ready to go. And then they present your security questions.
00:38:24.630 --> 00:38:28.619
Well, there's a problem, Kathleen, my security questions are in Chinese.
00:38:32.519 --> 00:39:02.550
How did that happen? I have no idea. And so I tried Google Translate. I said maybe they really are questions that were translated in Chinese and I can answer and translate it back into Chinese actually tried that didn't work. I called help. I think I've talked to like two or three different people. And they're wonderful. I mean, I can't even say enough about the support people at Apple. But each one has sworn to me that they can't get into my account, and they can't change anything.
00:38:58.409 --> 00:39:05.550
And I said, well, at one point, I said, Well, someone obviously did get into my account. Yeah.
00:39:05.670 --> 00:39:31.530
And I'm guessing they were Chinese. So I've been back and forth and back and forth. And finally, I mean, they basically I said to them, I said, So you're telling me you can't do anything about this, you're going to leave your a help desk, and you're going to leave me like this. And this one woman was so sweet. She said, No, we're not. I'm going to take notes and we're going to keep working on it. And I'm going to pass it on to my colleague, and we're going to figure it out.
00:39:32.070 --> 00:39:34.829
But I'm sorry, I couldn't fix it tonight. And I said that's okay.
00:39:34.860 --> 00:39:44.849
I really appreciate it. There's just a different interaction now, no matter how crazy it gets. Yeah, I have a sense of humor. I remember getting really upset with people on the phone.
00:39:45.659 --> 00:40:06.510
And that wasn't about them at all. They were touching something and they were offending me. You know, I was offended. So that's like my cue in there so much. That was it was I'm so glad to have you know I get you do We get review processes, but to have that awareness is so freeing, so that you just do it in a way all the time.
00:40:06.539 --> 00:40:25.739
And, and the love that you get back, you know, and I'm reminded of that little I picked up the slim book years and years ago, it was written in the 80s, late 80s. By Dr. Gerald Japonesque, it's got that download that episode, when I went over the book is gotten the most downloads of any other episode.
00:40:27.239 --> 00:40:54.119
And he talks about love it, the title of the book is Love is letting go of fear. And so much of what you said, reminds me of that, like when you, you can't feel love and fear at the same time. It's impossible. So you're either approaching a situation in love, or you're approaching it in fear. And so he talks a lot about if someone's coming at you, and they're angry or offended by you. They're really afraid. Yeah, behind it is fear.
00:40:54.360 --> 00:41:22.829
So if you react, and you get that fear going, that it's fear and fear, and it's going nowhere, good. But if you can take a moment, like you said, it was so powerful, what you said, is just say, well, what are they dealing with, and have that moment of empathy, then you approach in love. And it changes the whole interaction. And it's so simple, yet so profound. So much of what you said reminds me of that, and we have to remember that we're not angry, we're fearful.
00:41:24.000 --> 00:41:46.380
You're right, yeah, you're absolutely right. And taking fear and looking at it from you know, what was fear originally gifted to us for to keep us safe. Right, ultimately, part of, you know, everything of life, it's become a tool to keep us from living to Oh, wow, yes.
00:41:39.809 --> 00:42:06.929
And knowing the difference in knowing how fear can actually hurt us. I mean, being in fear all the time just wears on our entire health, mental body, yes, everything. But I like to also say that we can develop our new relationship with fear when it comes to doing things in life.
00:42:07.889 --> 00:42:41.760
So we need fear to help us stay sick to be smart. I like to say I always tell my boys just be smart about what you're doing. I love that. Yeah. Because I don't want them living in fear. I don't want to live in fear. But I want to be smart about what I'm doing. Because fear is meant to keep us aware of how we're doing things into what you know, the lions, tigers and bears, oh my. But when fear is keeping us in a box, when it's keeping us from doing things from living life fully. For example, you probably saw it. It's 50 years since I've gotten on a horse.
00:42:42.239 --> 00:42:54.389
And the opportunity came then boy, that voice was screaming, don't do that. You can't do that. Some you know, some things could happen. You know, you need to do this. You have more responsibilities at home, you have your Mom, don't go well.
00:42:55.530 --> 00:43:20.730
scream all you want. I'm going and even just getting in that voice was still screaming but I have to weigh my life and what I want it to be and it's going to scream if I get on an airplane to go somewhere. It's going to scream sometimes if I'm in a park walking by myself. But I have to look at do I want to be smart? Or do I want to live in a box?
00:43:21.869 --> 00:43:22.710
That's so good.
00:43:22.800 --> 00:43:30.000
I don't I want I want to live my life. I want to experience adventures. I want to have fun.
00:43:25.739 --> 00:43:30.000
I want to live fully.
00:43:30.989 --> 00:43:47.730
And what did it feel like on the horse? It was wonderful. Oh, that's so wonderful. She's a little stinker. I've written there twice. And we're having this power pole. She and I are I love it. Yeah, it was wonderful. And I just I'm so glad I didn't let the voice drown me out.
00:43:47.998 --> 00:43:51.358
I'm so glad you didn't either.
00:43:47.998 --> 00:43:59.248
And horses are so healing to be around. I had horses when I was young. And I enjoyed it. I never got into that like crazy horse obsession that other girls did.
00:43:59.248 --> 00:44:10.378
But I just love animals so much that I love taking care of them and brushing them and talking to them. I think they're very healing to be around them.
00:44:06.148 --> 00:44:10.378
They're so tuned into you. Yeah.
00:44:10.708 --> 00:44:25.349
So that's yeah, you're just you're great. I love that you don't just work on yourself that you turn it around to us to help other people that to me. That's just so like fulfilling? I bet.
00:44:26.188 --> 00:44:40.528
It is. And I know it's my purpose. It's a passion. And the biggest thing is I know how much I suffered. And I know how so many women are. You know, I'm I'm fine. I'm fine. Yeah, no, we're not. Yeah.
00:44:41.400 --> 00:45:08.820
When mother was like that she put up with a lot and it was sort of taught to me that you do that you carry whatever. And I also love that you just support that women are here to support each other not because he said it's so powerful, and it's an old thing that's coming back It used to be how we lived, you know? It's so great. You're doing great work, feeding each other's fire.
00:45:04.260 --> 00:45:08.820
It's wonderful. Thank you.
00:45:08.849 --> 00:45:18.958
What I also love about you is that you, you let things unfold naturally like it built into like the next step. Like you didn't say any of this.
00:45:18.989 --> 00:45:20.699
No, but I am impatient at times.
00:45:18.989 --> 00:45:34.739
So you're so funny. We are separated at birth. I'm impatient, and I'm stubborn. I'm not a very good waiter. No, I'm so stubborn. It's scary. And I am impatient. Very. And I'm a control freak. I'm working on it.
00:45:36.389 --> 00:45:49.949
Yeah, that I think that's natural gift of women that we have. But that is part of the work as well. Yeah. Because, you know, we can only control ourselves. And I think that's one reason why we try so hard to control everything out here.
00:45:50.429 --> 00:46:23.760
Because there's so much often here. And I don't mean that in a, that there's, we're broken, or, you know, we need fixing, it's just, we have so much stuff in here that was never ours to carry. Right. And until we get it out of there. It's that I'm gonna just gonna control everything out here. And it's an avoidance because we don't want to face that's what I think the racing to life is about, you know, whether you're speeding on the road at 85 and a 60. Or you're speeding through your day. My question is, what are you avoiding? What are you not ready to face? Wow.
00:46:24.119 --> 00:46:37.170
And that reactive way that you get when you're just going through life, and you're very busy. And they you know, people get all obsessed with their house and their kids and their job? And you just don't you barely live? You're just reacting? Yeah, you know.
00:46:38.099 --> 00:46:54.719
But in various conversation, the more and that's what podcasting is, in my opinion is about, you know, the more people that you can touch the more women that I can, can reach to have them just say, you know, I'm ready. Not necessary. I don't mean to work with me to work with somebody just to do the you know what you're saying?
00:46:51.659 --> 00:47:00.389
You're saying? Yes, well, let Kathy Heller said, and I love her for this. She always said, you have to find your person.
00:46:57.449 --> 00:47:03.059
And she said, I may not be your person. I just love that.
00:47:00.389 --> 00:47:10.050
Because that means she's spreading the message and not necessarily that you have to work with her. And I will give her a kudos to as long as you are too.
00:47:10.050 --> 00:47:17.340
I mean, my your that was your big lesson. My big lesson. And we talked about control was being a C student. When she was loved.
00:47:17.340 --> 00:47:34.889
That was my favorite part. I was never a C student. Yeah. In fact, that was tough for me. I was like, Okay, that's a nice thought. But I don't know. But But yeah, she I mean, just to tell people that weren't in the class. She said, don't wait till something's perfect. Just start.
00:47:30.360 --> 00:47:49.170
And you'll figure it out. And you can be a C student. And she she said, Write yourself a permission slip. And it was huge. It finally got through to me. And I wanted to say to with the control issue, I think the podcast has helped me so much.
00:47:45.840 --> 00:47:59.670
Because I am not in control of what you say. Oh, and you make the episode, my guest makes the episode. And I'm not controlling it at all. In fact, I'm enjoying not being in control.
00:48:01.079 --> 00:48:11.579
It's interesting, interesting, because then we have that because you do solo episodes as well. I've listened to Yes. And I do as well. It's interesting.
00:48:07.739 --> 00:48:51.449
I had looked at it that way. I mean, either not until I talked to you. That's why I love talking to people because it just sparks these things in our head. But I'm so grateful to Kathy Heller and her her class because it brought me all of you a grade. And this mindfulness, I just don't know what I would do without that's part of what my my very first show was about was for this year, when I just said, if I didn't have these people, I'm not sure I would have stuck with it. And it was or it wouldn't have been as fun. Just to have this through the people that think you have to be around like minded people, people who are trying to do the same kind of thing. And I was a bit of a loner for a while there. And this is much nicer.
00:48:53.039 --> 00:49:27.780
You know, and I agree with you 100%. I'm glad you mentioned that because having left upstate New York, that 61 years of age, never living anywhere else other than upstate New York, that's very brand moving south to a place that is where I knew one person that was it. When you do get lonely, I mean I had my mom lives with me. But it's still it's such a huge change in that loneliness and that group was probably it was a very unique group. And you're right. And in fact, one was missing an action recently. John has been missing an action recently. Yeah, yeah.
00:49:27.780 --> 00:49:31.889
Have you been? I've missed him.
00:49:27.780 --> 00:49:36.119
I've missed see. Certain ones disappear. It's like, Oh, I hope everything's okay. I feel the same great experience.
00:49:36.210 --> 00:49:42.809
We build each other up. And it's almost like we already know each other, which is so lovely. Yes.
00:49:39.210 --> 00:50:25.260
Yeah. So I'm very grateful for that. And I feel like it I feel like it really did change my life. Agree like I was ready for to try something different. And I still don't know why I clicked that ad about a podcast. I mean, I don't know either. She just came across my Instagram. You know, when you were guided personally If that's why you're excited, and I want to just tell you a little story that I just, I'm still freaking out about. I, I worked at a place where they hired me to be a tech writer. And they hired someone who wanted to get in this place. She had worked there like 18 years ago. And she wasn't a tech writer, but they she was a an engineer, and they wanted her to come back. And they wanted her to be trained.
00:50:22.679 --> 00:50:55.380
They, they said, You can train her, she'll be a tech writer with you. Well, it was really difficult because she hadn't been there for 18 years. And she wasn't a tech writer. And there was so much work to do. And she was she desperately needed to be hired. She was a contractor at the time. And she desperately needed benefits because she had a lot of health issues. So we started to be friendly, but it was kind of driving me nuts. I was getting very frustrated. I was like, Why did they do this to me, I have to train this person. She's starting from nothing, oh, my God. But she was very sweet. And she tried so hard, that I just did it. You know, I'm a girl scout, right?
00:50:56.010 --> 00:50:57.869
My husband calls me a Girl Scout.
00:50:58.679 --> 00:51:21.570
I was like, Okay, you gave me this task, I'm not going to like it. I'm going to pitch about it to my husband and my son when I come home, but I'm going to do it. And so I did it. And at one point, I was thinking of leaving, but I wasn't looking and I got a call from a recruiter I love and she said, I have the perfect job for you. I know you're not looking, but I have the perfect job for you.
00:51:18.059 --> 00:51:21.570
And it was and I still miss it.
00:51:21.840 --> 00:51:36.630
And I might go back there. But anyway, this is neither here nor there. So several months go by I touch base with this person regularly, right? Just to see how she's doing. The upside is she got hired when I left.
00:51:33.059 --> 00:51:40.050
Because they had headcount because I left. So she got her permanent job, she has benefits.
00:51:42.210 --> 00:51:45.630
There's a lot more to the story.
00:51:42.210 --> 00:51:59.730
But the real point is, I had a realization that the universe had put me there, specifically to help her. And all I could say for a little while was that I was irritated? And how could they be so unfair to me? And why do I have to train this person?
00:51:56.940 --> 00:52:03.869
She's not a tech writer. Well, guess what? She's a tech writer.
00:51:59.730 --> 00:52:11.429
Now. Her life is much more secure. And she said, I'm sorry that you had to leave for me to be hired. But I'm so grateful.
00:52:07.619 --> 00:52:22.170
And I was like, stupid me, you know, once again, right? The universe, you just didn't get it. You know, I didn't get it at the time. So now it makes me feel so good that I did that for her that I was used in that way.
00:52:22.320 --> 00:52:31.110
That's the thing. I was used by God or the universe or source, however you'd like to say it.
00:52:26.219 --> 00:52:31.110
And it's a very powerful lesson.
00:52:31.320 --> 00:52:40.559
And when I told this to my cousin and my friend, we were out to dinner. My cousin later sent me email and she said, I'm so impressed with you that you see that experience in that way.
00:52:40.889 --> 00:52:52.650
She said it really like I think when you do that work, and you see something like that and you share it, it helps somebody else see something in their life.
00:52:49.230 --> 00:53:00.269
Yes. That's what I did. I guess I didn't get that. I was like, Okay, I am pretty excited that I was used in this way. And that I could see that took me a while.
00:53:00.269 --> 00:53:20.820
But it wasn't all about you. Like I say you mean of course it was. It was all about me. They're not treating me fairly. But um, yeah, however long it took I did you know, and then I, I just felt so good because she needed that job so badly. And I made that happen.
00:53:15.179 --> 00:53:24.570
But I was just a tool I was I was an instrument I was used.
00:53:20.820 --> 00:53:30.449
And so now I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna have to start looking for that and be more sensitive to that, you know, like the learning just continues. Right?
00:53:30.480 --> 00:53:34.199
Absolutely. It's a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing that.
00:53:35.610 --> 00:53:42.929
I could talk to you like probably eight more episodes? I can. I know. I could have a Kathleen McDermott series.
00:53:42.960 --> 00:53:46.500
There's so much we haven't even touched on yet. I know. I know.
00:53:47.219 --> 00:53:50.760
But we'll, we'll talk up on mine. We'll pick up on mine.
00:53:50.969 --> 00:53:54.840
Okay, if there's anything else that you want to share with us?
00:53:55.110 --> 00:54:00.630
Or want me to put in the show notes, I'm going to put your link to your podcast?
00:54:01.050 --> 00:54:10.260
Is there anything like your life your way? And if anyone I always, always, always offer a conversation, free conversation?
00:54:10.679 --> 00:54:26.519
To answer questions about you know, what does coaching entailed reduced stress? What does the restorative yoga if someone is just interested in the restorative yoga for stress relief conversations? Because honestly, I cannot stand to be pressured into buying things. I don't like high pressure sales.
00:54:26.519 --> 00:54:48.659
I don't do that. But conversations because ultimately, I'm hope, I hope that you walk away with something at that point in time, the end of the conversation that will at least give you something to take with you. And if it's you're meant we're meant to work together great. And if not, I might be able to guide you to someone else that might be better for you a better fit.
00:54:49.050 --> 00:54:51.030
Again, you're in the flow there.
00:54:49.050 --> 00:54:51.030
I love that.
00:54:51.360 --> 00:55:09.960
It's just really isn't all about me. It really isn't. So I can be reached via email. I K M, your life your way@gmail.com km your life your way at Gmail. Great.
00:55:05.280 --> 00:55:11.280
And thank you this wonderful, thank you so much.
00:55:11.309 --> 00:55:29.250
I just love starting the day with you. I mean, I just feel like uplifted like I'm gonna have a really good day. We are I feel the same way. Thank you so much you make me I love people that I can just laugh with and have fun with. So thank you. Oh, I know. It's that's the one thing I think that saves us right? Is that laughter Yes. So true.
00:55:25.349 --> 00:55:41.489
Well, thank you for sharing. I know people are going to get excited by what you said they're going to have some some light bulbs go off. So I always enjoy that. Wonderful to share this information. And I'll talk to you soon.
00:55:41.670 --> 00:55:45.329
All right, take some stumbling over my words. Thank you so much.
